Building Self-Confidence

I was in 8th standard and had to deliver a speech in an English club meet. I was down, perturbed, and with almost zero confidence that I could deliver a speech in front of 300 people including College Principal, Head of English Department, and seniors. My English teacher came to me, and said, “ Rizwan, be confident.” I was not able to measure the depth of this term that time but the words were only sufficient to boost my inner strength up by a point. I came to stage with shivering hands and legs, and started delivering the speech. At the end, speech was below average with almost no appreciation. My English teacher who had a faith in me without any significant reason came to me and asked to meet in his room after the meet.

I was sitting in his room and waiting for him to come. After couple of minutes, he entered in the room, and I stood up in respect. He asked to sit, without any wrinkle on his forehead, he said, “You effort was appreciable, but you were not you while delivering the speech. The only issue was, you were not confident.” He started explaining the things that put some strong marks somewhere within me, and I am writing this post to explain the term confidence as I feel and believe.

The term Confidence starts from believing yourself and acting on that Belief. I have noticed people at workplace, neighborhood, and in daily life that always appear to be self-confident and on top of the world. Everything looks to go right for these people and they always seem calm, unruffled, and successful in everything they do. Whenever I have noticed these people, I always found that these self-confident people usually are successful in each and every area of life. Is this because they are smarter than others? Or is it because they are opulent with money? Maybe they are just lucky? I believe that none of these things are necessarily true. I believe, self confident people are aware of the impact of believing in themselves and relying on their abilities.

Self-confidence gradually and ultimately creates opportunities for success and with each new success next building block is put into the place. I think, success built upon success reinforces self-confidence with each new milestone. Self-confident people perceive themselves to be able to achieve new set of milestones, and this perception creates certainty in their lives. It hardly matters what kind of profession people have opted. A person can be confident while working as a chauffer, chef, waiter, auto-rickshaw driver, accountant, executives, and middle and high level managers. Holding a high level position is not a necessary parameter to be confident.

I want to share an incident in support of above-mentioned lines. I couldn’t get a job immediately after completing my professional education, so spending money was the major concern at that time. I used to have food in a roadside cheap dhaba as I was no option left with. There I met a guy who I found speaking very confidently with a smiley face, and as much happy one could. He was working as a waiter and was pretty able to entertain maximum number of tables at any given time. One day I asked, “what is your salary.” He said, “Rs 500, food and stay free.” I asked, “I found you happy and doing your job flawlessly. How do you manage this?” He said confidently, “ One has to work to survive, now it is one’s choice if the work is done with full potential and interest or crying every time. I do my job happily and with concentration.” I found his words full of confidence. Time was passing gradually, and seven long years passed. Two days back, I was passing by the same dhabha, and there was a sudden thought to see if the guy was still there or not. I found that the same guy was sitting at the counter now, and working as a full time cashier. I think, this was only his self-confidence that helped him to work hard and better, and made him a cashier from waiter.

Confidence is concerning knowing yourself, who are You, why are You here, and what you want to be. In a nutshell, confidence is all about self-trust. In general, we say that I have confidence in him/her because we trust the other person, and can depend on him/her. The same theory goes for you. If you trust yourself, your ideas and your abilities, then you can be self-confident. Build your own choices, stop taking things personally at work place, and seek help-advice to get developed.

On the other hand, a lot of people believe that being confident means being outspoken or egoistic. In fact, the reverse is right - the egocentric loudmouth is usually much less confident than they let on. So, it is important to understand the nuance of confident voice and loudmouth.

There is a famous quote by Larry Kersten-

Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.

Feedbacks-Good or Bad

For last couple of weeks, a thought was residing somewhere in my Mind, what is feedback? How it works? Does feedback really help to grow or discourage? What is the difference in feedback and criticism? And lots of other related questions were not allowing me to think any other aspect of life. So, I am sitting at home and writing this post to give a shape to my thoughts.


What is the origin of the term Feedback? I went through various journals, and found that the term Feedback first appeared in the 1920's and grew out of the broadcasting industry. When the volume of a microphone is set incorrectly, unpleasant squawking sounds will result. Since the sounds that enter a microphone are referred to as feeds, it followed that the unpleasant sounds heard after the feeds would be called feedback. It took several decades for the term to be borrowed and used, refer to the reaction one has to information, a situation or a relationship. So the origin is electric and current usage is eclectic.


Now, I am a firm believer that receiving and giving feedback is an essential part of life. It helps you improve your work style, strengthen your bonding with your loved ones, and set a next milestone in any area of life. Feedbacks help you understand where you are- and where you have to reach. It gives you an insight of gap in knowledge, skills, and moral behavior. I am not counting the fathoms of feedback in this post, but limiting myself to Positive-Negative Feedbacks & Criticism.


Lets discuss the Positive feedback first. Positive feedback consists of praise, appreciation, and the term More than Enough. This is a normal human tendency that if someone does anything remarkable as per his/her parameters, wants to get appreciated. You can take example of any thing. If some one feels that s/he looks good in Black then s/he appreciates himself in mirror first and gives first positive feedback to him or her. I am writing this post and I immediately gave a positive feedback to the second paragraph as that was based on my research and I had invested couple of hours to dig this information out. But, when you are exposed to others and a person genuinely says, you look good in Black, this is called true positive feedback. You can receive positive feedbacks for impressive dressing sense, effective communication skills, flawless work style, remarkable PR skills etc. But being addicted for positive feedback can discourage a person in longer run. Lack of positive feedback can start crashing people those are addicted only to positive feedback.

Consider a stereotypical scenario of a couple who has been together for many more years. Ms. begins to feel that Mr. doesn’t love her or think she’s pretty simply because he has stopped saying the positive words. The positive feedback, at early stage of relationship, built her confidence up SO high that when the words stopped, she came crashing down, bewildered and even wondering what she’s doing wrong. The same could be said of children, co-workers, and just about anyone you could name. Children often become reluctant because they don’t feel appreciated. Co-workers and friends get to the point that they quit trying because nothing they do is ever “good enough.” I think, one should open his/her ears for positive feedback but always ready for the situation when the praising words could get stopped. In this case, a thorough self-analysis is highly required or the time has arrived to rejuvenate the style.


Now come to the Negative feedback. In general, people are not ready to receive negative feedback as it shows that the person is lagging in an area. Couple of weeks back, I shot e-mail to client keeping my Boss in CC list. My boss called me up and told that the mail could have been written in more effective way, and I was not ready to accept his words rather defending me hard by giving excuses. When I came back at my workstation and looked at the mail again, I found he was right. There is always a scope of improvement. In my opinion, negative feedback should be received without making comments or statements rather asking questions to clarify the things because negative feedbacks help you grow.

In contrast, it is important how you are giving a negative feedback to others. The only thing more dangerous than a lack of positive feedback is a steady stream of negative feedback. When a spouse, daughter, son, friend, co-worker, etc. only hears negative comments – they begin to believe the words and come to believe that they are as worthless as the words say they are. And when someone believes the worst about themself, they stop even trying. However, if they get positive feedback – even if it’s for the smallest possible thing – their confidence and self worth begin to grow. So, be careful at the time of giving negative feedbacks.


Criticism-last but not the least. There is a thin line difference in Negative feedback and Criticism. In my opinion, criticism is something when your pitfalls are discussed at your back. The person(s) who is (are) criticizing you, is (are) discussing your pit falls to others especially when you are not present. One can criticize you by writing as well. A negative feedback turned to criticism when things are written about your pit falls and sent to every one other than you. I believe, people start criticizing when they don’t have enough strength to give negative feedback.


So, stop criticizing and start giving/receiving feedbacks for mutual development and growth in work, life, and relationship.