Soul mate: A Gift from God

"I have never been in a relationship (or true relationship) till the time I met him/her. I saw him/her first time and there was a spark within me somewhere that ignited a different kind of feeling that I had never felt. Positive vibes were emerging from him/her that I was able to sense and feel, and a charisma was developed around me. I felt like, I know him/her since ages. S/he was the one who was here for me." I believe, all of you have been felt the same once in your lifetime. Is that feeling because of soul urge? Is this how we react when we meet our soul mate? What is soul mate? I am trying to find out the definition of the term and pertaining questions spiritually and logically for last couple of weeks. I found few answers that I want to share with you through this post. Different brains thinks differently, so it is quite natural that I could create controversies in this post.

In my thought, a soul mate is finding your soul's counterpart. Finding someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Caring about someone else more than you care about yourself. Someone who makes you feel like the best is yet to come. Soul mate is an eternal partner made and gifted by God.

I believe that soul mates are two souls from a previous life, re-fixing because they were meant to be together in a love or any other strong relationship. Though, I recently understood that even though this can be the case, it can also simply be two souls from a previous life getting connected again for the purpose of resolving previous issues, as well as to grow, teach, and learn from one another. So, soul mate can be any one who has a strong binding with you. Up until recently, I believed that my soul mate was someone with whom I have this intense and enigmatically strong connection that was felt by both of us (and sensed by others as well). I interpreted this to mean that we were meant to be together forever in this lifetime. Being together specifies here that our souls will be together even we are physically far apart. You can treat this as a flame burning continuously at distance that is visible always but you cannot feel the heat, and as you come closer you start feeling the heat. Once you have that sense of heat, whenever you see the flame, you feel the heat every time without getting closer to the flame.

For soul mates, the depth of Love for the person is such that every moment is a torture if s/he is apart. The heart aches when s/he is not with you. Let me clear it more that your heart can get ached for your love, spouse, frineds, or any family member. I never thought it was possible to literally feel my heart aches over someone, but that is true once your soul mate is not with you. I have realized many time recently and I guess if you've never been with your soul mate, it's hard to understand but believe me it happens.

For true love, perhaps laws of attraction works well and seems that both the persons will have been met time and time again life after life, and we meet that person again in future. Is it right to say "OH, it's my soul mate (in that we've known each other before) and let's be one this time." But, unfortunately, doesn’t get together in this life, and still feel it's best to, although the connection, to not actually be together. Must be God is thinking in a different way.
True soul mates can simply become one at any given time in their light body. Soul mates are sanctified with extraordinary gifts to support and maintain their celestial relationship for the benefit of conception. They can communicate through telepathy, and knowing at any given time the needs of the eternal partner and being a living medicine for the partner. The partner can get treated as the one and only true eternal spouse or binding, given by God and the relationship is remained eternal. I would like to say that the eternal relationship is celestial in nature.

However, we run naturally and because of that find our soul mate in life after life with the possibility of not getting one. But there is an end, and this would get happened in one life. I wish that everyone would get his or her soul mate in this life only.

Middle-class Families-Unveiled

I am very much sure that you would have heard the following words from your Dad or Mom at least once in your childhood or when you were studying– My dear son not this month, but next month it is confirmed. These are very common words in a middle (or lower middle class) family to postpone any out-of-budget need of the kids. Interesting part is, kids are getting persuaded with these words and start daydreaming but again they hear the same words in next month. The story goes on till the time Dad or Mom does not provide the asked (or requested) thing to the kid or the kid give-up as the requested thing gradually stops alluring him or her. But, it is a terrific feeling when your expectations are not met. Here in this post, I tried to portray the picture of a middle-class family that is entirely based on my thoughts. So, there is a huge possibility that many of you wouldn’t agree with me at various points.


Now these days, accessibility of a middle class family has been increased, as it was 20 yrs ago. This is just because of globalization and rise in living standard. Now parents never stop their kids to cook noodles/macaroni at home, while 22 yrs ago situation was entirely different. I can clearly recall that a noodle packet that you can get in 10 bucks today was of 5 Bucks. In these 20 yrs, the purchase power of a family has been increased at least by 4 times, while prices of such commodities have been increased by 2 or 3 times. Take another example of Soft drink that was costing us 4 bucks in 1992/93 while it is of 10 bucks after 16-17 yrs. So, many of the commodities, such as branded apparel, food, beverages, electronic gadgets, and other items those (unfortunately) signifies the living standard, are in reach of a common salaried families. Though, the living standard of a middle-class family has been improved still you will find that the difference in mindset is not as much significant.


Now, I am turning chapters and going 20 yrs back. Gosh… there were three different categories in clothes-Uniform for school, apparels for home, and apparels for special occasion. As soon the kids were returned from any function, they supposed to change the clothes immediately, and wear clothes mend for home. Occasional clothes were 1 or 2 in numbers, so a kid couldn’t play wearing those occasional clothes, as those could get ragged. And the frequency of stitching a set of occasional clothes was once a year. The number touched the value 2 only if there was big function like marriage strictly within the close relatives. Uniform was supposed to be 2 in numbers for each alternate day, and it got washed daily to meet the requirements. There were two shoes, one PT shoe and another black shoe. Kids supposed to clean the PT shoe every Sunday and pour it with light sky blue color to make it more effective. Black shoe was common for school uniform as well as with the dress reserved for occasions.


Middle-class families believe in show-off. One family will never say to other that they are in a tight situation, especially females. They always show (or pretend) that things are pretty smooth in their family. Even if they ask for a bowl of sugar from other house, they start saying, “He is very busy, not even getting time to go market and get some sugar. Could you please fill this bowl, I will return it tomorrow.” Other lady will start pretending that her house is filled with tones of sugar, and start saying, “Sure…Sure. He is very finicky and cannot see that the ration is not available at any time. He brings the ration before its level goes down half of the container. I always say to him, ration is available don’t bring anything but he never listens to me.” She filled the bowl with sugar but with thoughts what if she doesn’t return tomorrow, as the sugar left in container is not sufficient for two days, and 4 more days to go in his salary disbursement. This mentality transfers to the kids as well. As their father got any item for them, they did start showing off- see my new shoe its very costly, my new shirt-trouser-cycle-cap-and the things that I can’t write here. Since, getting a good eatable (chocolate) was also a matter of status, so they did start eating when their maximum number of friends could see them. Wrappers of maggi, chcolate, branded biscuits were thrown just in front of house, so others can see that the family was having all modern eatables.


Since, these families live in a colony or little bit dense environment, so the chances are very high that 4 or 5 kids are studying in the same class. Now, an unwanted pressure is always on all the kids due to a hidden competition among the kids caused by their parents. One mom would say, “ Look at Monu. He is also the kid and eats the same thing that you do, but he also scores more than you. If this time you get scored less than Monu, then you will see my worst. Go and study.” A tight slap could be an add-on to make the statement stronger. The kid starts crying and rubbing his cheeks -turned red due to a tight slap, goes to study with the slowest possible speed. Now, this undue pressure will not allow the kid to play, watch television, and do whatever s/he wants. But, when two females will be talking, they will always praise their kids, as they got the best kids of the world. Again show off.


Any additional expense, like attending a marriage function works like a negative catalyst, in family budget. And if the marriage is in a nearest relative then it sounds like hell, as an expensive gift becomes must. Expensive gift is a must because ‘She’ doesn’t want get down in any case. Now, the He, started doing maximum possible juggling that he could do to get the family ready for the function and buying a significant gift.

Exchanging gifts in small parties like birthdays was so funny that if a kid receives a photo frame or album, geometry box, tiffin, water bottle etc in his/her birthday, kid’s mom will keep few items as is, because in others’ birthday this is going to be a gift. If someone’s birthday comes, mom will say, “ just check if water bottle is lying on the shelf. Go and get it wrapped with packing paper.” Gift and kids both are ready now.

Kids of such families found themselves in a dilemma when someone else offers an eatable that they never had or not of that type that is being offered. Let me explain with an example. A family, including dad, mom, and kids, lives in a small town, and Dad’s sister is living in Mumbai with her husband and kids. Now, the small town family went to Mumbai to visit Uncle and Aunty. Both the families are roaming in Mumbai; uncle stopped in front of an ice cream parlor, and asked small town kids which ice cream they want to have. Kids are wondering which ice cream they should go for. They only had orange and milk bar (santray wali aur doodh wali), and they do start saying like, what the bhaiya will take or what the others will take. Kids don’t know what they will eventually be served but they do start thinking only after holding the ice cream- I should have gone for some other.

Such families are value driven, and kids are taught to give respect to older and others. Saying only Uncle and Aunty sounds bad, so Uncle Ji and Aunty Ji is the right term to address neighbors parallel to Dad and Mom. It is strictly no-no to address older siblings with their names. Kids are taught not to be demanding, and stubborn. Despite all the situations that I have discussed, these families are where love and respect for other family member exists. You will find the true relationships and bindings with flavor of family values. The important thing is, if you do belong to such family and gradually moved at good position in business, govt, public, and private sectors, never forget what you were. Never stop loving each other and paying respect. Never ever let the values died that you have inherited from your ancestors.


There is a saying by George Bernard:

“I have to live for others and not for myself; that's middle class morality.”

Building Self-Confidence

I was in 8th standard and had to deliver a speech in an English club meet. I was down, perturbed, and with almost zero confidence that I could deliver a speech in front of 300 people including College Principal, Head of English Department, and seniors. My English teacher came to me, and said, “ Rizwan, be confident.” I was not able to measure the depth of this term that time but the words were only sufficient to boost my inner strength up by a point. I came to stage with shivering hands and legs, and started delivering the speech. At the end, speech was below average with almost no appreciation. My English teacher who had a faith in me without any significant reason came to me and asked to meet in his room after the meet.

I was sitting in his room and waiting for him to come. After couple of minutes, he entered in the room, and I stood up in respect. He asked to sit, without any wrinkle on his forehead, he said, “You effort was appreciable, but you were not you while delivering the speech. The only issue was, you were not confident.” He started explaining the things that put some strong marks somewhere within me, and I am writing this post to explain the term confidence as I feel and believe.

The term Confidence starts from believing yourself and acting on that Belief. I have noticed people at workplace, neighborhood, and in daily life that always appear to be self-confident and on top of the world. Everything looks to go right for these people and they always seem calm, unruffled, and successful in everything they do. Whenever I have noticed these people, I always found that these self-confident people usually are successful in each and every area of life. Is this because they are smarter than others? Or is it because they are opulent with money? Maybe they are just lucky? I believe that none of these things are necessarily true. I believe, self confident people are aware of the impact of believing in themselves and relying on their abilities.

Self-confidence gradually and ultimately creates opportunities for success and with each new success next building block is put into the place. I think, success built upon success reinforces self-confidence with each new milestone. Self-confident people perceive themselves to be able to achieve new set of milestones, and this perception creates certainty in their lives. It hardly matters what kind of profession people have opted. A person can be confident while working as a chauffer, chef, waiter, auto-rickshaw driver, accountant, executives, and middle and high level managers. Holding a high level position is not a necessary parameter to be confident.

I want to share an incident in support of above-mentioned lines. I couldn’t get a job immediately after completing my professional education, so spending money was the major concern at that time. I used to have food in a roadside cheap dhaba as I was no option left with. There I met a guy who I found speaking very confidently with a smiley face, and as much happy one could. He was working as a waiter and was pretty able to entertain maximum number of tables at any given time. One day I asked, “what is your salary.” He said, “Rs 500, food and stay free.” I asked, “I found you happy and doing your job flawlessly. How do you manage this?” He said confidently, “ One has to work to survive, now it is one’s choice if the work is done with full potential and interest or crying every time. I do my job happily and with concentration.” I found his words full of confidence. Time was passing gradually, and seven long years passed. Two days back, I was passing by the same dhabha, and there was a sudden thought to see if the guy was still there or not. I found that the same guy was sitting at the counter now, and working as a full time cashier. I think, this was only his self-confidence that helped him to work hard and better, and made him a cashier from waiter.

Confidence is concerning knowing yourself, who are You, why are You here, and what you want to be. In a nutshell, confidence is all about self-trust. In general, we say that I have confidence in him/her because we trust the other person, and can depend on him/her. The same theory goes for you. If you trust yourself, your ideas and your abilities, then you can be self-confident. Build your own choices, stop taking things personally at work place, and seek help-advice to get developed.

On the other hand, a lot of people believe that being confident means being outspoken or egoistic. In fact, the reverse is right - the egocentric loudmouth is usually much less confident than they let on. So, it is important to understand the nuance of confident voice and loudmouth.

There is a famous quote by Larry Kersten-

Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.

Essence of Relationship

Being a human, I sometimes wonder if things and persons wouldn’t have been associated with each other then what would get happened. There were no relationships, bonding, obligations, and attachment. But, were we born not to be dependent or to be associated with others. When I try to find answer of this question, I always perceive that a living being cannot survive without being associated or linked with other living beings or any objects.

Relationship can be of any type, personal, business, professional etc. In my thought relationship is built due to the need. All living beings depend on someone for something. Can every one build his or her house? Can you service your car? Answer will be No, but the resources are there. People who they are trained in that field are able to mould these resources into product that others need. I am simply trying to say that, all human beings are talented and got the talent as a gift. We have these talents so that we can use them to serve one another. Few people are good in repairing cars, heeling others, comforting others, helping you find your True Love. The reason is we cannot do it all on our own. Truth is that the doctors also get sick and visit other doctors.

I talked something nonsense in the above paragraph but I have written this paragraph to explain that there is a need behind every relationship. And If I think one step ahead and crossed the material, I found that we all are here to build a better relationship with all who they are around us else we will be individually experiencing our own joys, sorrows and love. But, the relationship that brings the most happiness and the one you pursue are entirely different things. If any relationship does not work well, there must be a reason.

A couple that find successful relationship or marriage, put in what are the things they trust to be the right thing rather what they wish for. A winning relationship depends on the idea of not giving up trying right things to maintain the health of the relationship. We should keep revisiting the facts of healthy and happy relationship, and use it until it yelled result. It is quite often that people are willing to find love and happiness but are not ready to spend time so they reconcile with the Love at first sight. Shortly they find that the person is not so great and the relationship turned into break-up. Fortunately, resource to help each man, woman or couples are already there. We as human beings should have the inclination to try and implement to get the best result out. We should try to use the available resources at the level best and help our partner to develop a cozy and comfortable environment for each other.

The most common words I heard for relationship is, Relationships should work. There is an admired saying-if you are doing something and if it doesn’t work, try a new approach. I think this is the only spirit of relationship. I believe, most common reason for a relationship to get failed is people find the person they want to be with and that is all they do care and love about. This approach to finding love is little bit risky because relationship is about two people who go with. Moreover, by this way the relationship bowed to one sided. This is the woman or man I want and that is it, is one sided. When you select a person you want, you may find you’re self-doing too much in the significance of love. This might cause the love to get power over you because the love knows- you want him or her so you are willing to do as he or she wants. You will find too many men and women who have given all they can and got dumped for another person. You can stop repeating the same fault only if you do admit that there is something you are doing that is not accurate.

However if you look for a relationship that is even- the love, affection, respect in the relationship will be given equally. The very meaning of essence of relationship is finding a relationship that is healthy and will work for both you and the other person. If you want to find relationship that will work ones and for all, you have to find you out of you. When it comes to finding that special someone, go about it the right way. Never forget that the word, it is SPECIAL not just any one pursue your love life the right way.

You are not here to have failed relationships unless you made that choice.

Feedbacks-Good or Bad

For last couple of weeks, a thought was residing somewhere in my Mind, what is feedback? How it works? Does feedback really help to grow or discourage? What is the difference in feedback and criticism? And lots of other related questions were not allowing me to think any other aspect of life. So, I am sitting at home and writing this post to give a shape to my thoughts.


What is the origin of the term Feedback? I went through various journals, and found that the term Feedback first appeared in the 1920's and grew out of the broadcasting industry. When the volume of a microphone is set incorrectly, unpleasant squawking sounds will result. Since the sounds that enter a microphone are referred to as feeds, it followed that the unpleasant sounds heard after the feeds would be called feedback. It took several decades for the term to be borrowed and used, refer to the reaction one has to information, a situation or a relationship. So the origin is electric and current usage is eclectic.


Now, I am a firm believer that receiving and giving feedback is an essential part of life. It helps you improve your work style, strengthen your bonding with your loved ones, and set a next milestone in any area of life. Feedbacks help you understand where you are- and where you have to reach. It gives you an insight of gap in knowledge, skills, and moral behavior. I am not counting the fathoms of feedback in this post, but limiting myself to Positive-Negative Feedbacks & Criticism.


Lets discuss the Positive feedback first. Positive feedback consists of praise, appreciation, and the term More than Enough. This is a normal human tendency that if someone does anything remarkable as per his/her parameters, wants to get appreciated. You can take example of any thing. If some one feels that s/he looks good in Black then s/he appreciates himself in mirror first and gives first positive feedback to him or her. I am writing this post and I immediately gave a positive feedback to the second paragraph as that was based on my research and I had invested couple of hours to dig this information out. But, when you are exposed to others and a person genuinely says, you look good in Black, this is called true positive feedback. You can receive positive feedbacks for impressive dressing sense, effective communication skills, flawless work style, remarkable PR skills etc. But being addicted for positive feedback can discourage a person in longer run. Lack of positive feedback can start crashing people those are addicted only to positive feedback.

Consider a stereotypical scenario of a couple who has been together for many more years. Ms. begins to feel that Mr. doesn’t love her or think she’s pretty simply because he has stopped saying the positive words. The positive feedback, at early stage of relationship, built her confidence up SO high that when the words stopped, she came crashing down, bewildered and even wondering what she’s doing wrong. The same could be said of children, co-workers, and just about anyone you could name. Children often become reluctant because they don’t feel appreciated. Co-workers and friends get to the point that they quit trying because nothing they do is ever “good enough.” I think, one should open his/her ears for positive feedback but always ready for the situation when the praising words could get stopped. In this case, a thorough self-analysis is highly required or the time has arrived to rejuvenate the style.


Now come to the Negative feedback. In general, people are not ready to receive negative feedback as it shows that the person is lagging in an area. Couple of weeks back, I shot e-mail to client keeping my Boss in CC list. My boss called me up and told that the mail could have been written in more effective way, and I was not ready to accept his words rather defending me hard by giving excuses. When I came back at my workstation and looked at the mail again, I found he was right. There is always a scope of improvement. In my opinion, negative feedback should be received without making comments or statements rather asking questions to clarify the things because negative feedbacks help you grow.

In contrast, it is important how you are giving a negative feedback to others. The only thing more dangerous than a lack of positive feedback is a steady stream of negative feedback. When a spouse, daughter, son, friend, co-worker, etc. only hears negative comments – they begin to believe the words and come to believe that they are as worthless as the words say they are. And when someone believes the worst about themself, they stop even trying. However, if they get positive feedback – even if it’s for the smallest possible thing – their confidence and self worth begin to grow. So, be careful at the time of giving negative feedbacks.


Criticism-last but not the least. There is a thin line difference in Negative feedback and Criticism. In my opinion, criticism is something when your pitfalls are discussed at your back. The person(s) who is (are) criticizing you, is (are) discussing your pit falls to others especially when you are not present. One can criticize you by writing as well. A negative feedback turned to criticism when things are written about your pit falls and sent to every one other than you. I believe, people start criticizing when they don’t have enough strength to give negative feedback.


So, stop criticizing and start giving/receiving feedbacks for mutual development and growth in work, life, and relationship.